Dear Future Me,
I want you to remember this letter, when you are old and grey, and remember not to do the following things, although by then, you will be even more wickedly stubborn, and will do all of them despite this. Oh well, you deserve it now, you stale muffin.
1. Do not buy an unreal amount of hat boxes. You should not, and will not have hats to put in them.
2. Your grandchildren do not like rutabagas or parsnips, no matter how good you think they are.
3. Do not buy black, pleather Reebok sneakers, no matter how good for your arches they are, or how many pairs they have at TJ Max.
4. Do not buy a matching outfit that is cadet blue and involves cuff-gathering and/or a turtle neck. If you should slip on this or #3, do not, under any circumstances, wear them together.
5. It is still not okay to paint your fingernails gold.
6. Stop trying to understand computers, you're old and will not get it. Or, depending on technological advances, stop trying to understand how to run your new jet pack.
7. Don't buy ugly curtains. Remember what you thought was ugly in 2005, and remember that its probably still ugly.
8. Still get a real Christmas tree this year, no matter how much it hurts future husband's back to carry it.
9. Do not buy your granddaughter a horse light switch plate for her 13th birthday, a string of horse lights for her 14th, a tee shirt with a giant horse on it for her 15th, and a wrought iron model horse for her sweet 16. She stopped liking horses by her 9th.
10. Tip big.
I hope you'll take all of this into consideration at your elderly age.
Best of Wishes,
You
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