Spring Break '07, Baby!

Wooo! SB 2K7!
It's gunna be cray-zay!
I'm going to the library to read baby name books because after the 3 hour mark of watching Six Feet Under, I need an emotional break, and somebody has to keep Tess from watching so many soap operas that reality and not reality begin to merge.
My week should be filled with similar plans. Like devoting at least six hours a day to coloring, labeling, finishing The Little Prince, and thinking about going for a run.

Except for tomorrow, when Girl and I leave for Chicago to test the terrain of the town we might live in next year (Did I tell you this? Surprise!) and to see a couple of my little cousins who are so undeniably adorable that our entire extended family excused it when one of them carried around a security clove of garlic for a month and a half.

Freedom, Basically

Did you know that their is a clause to our good ol' Declaration of Independence?
Yep, I know, my mind was blown away when I found out last night.
The founding fathers sat around, after a long hard day of killing the locals, and decided that cupcakes are a forbidden form of free speech.
Because when I wore this shirt yesterday, an oldish woman at church told me that it sent a "pretty strong message", and after I laughed it off under my discomfort, she looked me dead in the eye and said she thinks "we need to support our troops".
So I did what anybody would do and prayed for her soul to Jesus at mass that night.

They say God works in mysterious ways, and man, do I agree. Because after mass last night when I was spreading the liberal light of Jesus to a group of six eighth graders, we got locked in and had to climb out the second story window.
I'll just take that as a sign that it was okay to not vomit a political mess all over the zealous conservatives of the free land.

Recipe for a Muffin Family Dinner

2 cups olive oil
1 cup sexual slurs
1 bottle of Merlot
3 shakes of a lamb's tail
1.5 hours later than scheduled
2 last minute grocery trips
1 small terrier, preferably whiny and begging
A dash of salt and and empty pepper grinder for ambiance.

Mix until jostled and angry.
Serve at 65 degrees on a Sunday evening in March.


In other news, I tried a yam muffin today and was pleasantly surprised.

Staying Where the Clam Chowder is a Little Worse and O's Sound Like O's.

That's fine, Northeastern University. I don't want you either.

Popping Iron

I saved three lives again today.
I like to boast about things like this because I know that once, I could not do it. Sort of like the crow pose in yoga. Don't be fooled, I haven't gone all secretly physically active on you guys. This just happens to be some freak-of-nature thing I can do.
My iron was up to 42%. Was it because of the five iron supplement pills I took with my breakfast this morning? Perhaps.
I met 5:45 this morning and took it to breakfast at Perkins with me where I sat among the other regulars who know the waitresses by name and don't get menus because everybody knows they want the Tremendous Twelve at the early bird discount with a cup of coffee and extra crispy bacon. I've concluded that most of these regulars are either elderly, mob bosses, or on the school board.
Maybe all three.

When You Didn't Think Administrative Work Could Get Any More Boring...

As soon as you start to get an inkling that there's a scandalous office affair going on between Really Tall Tech Guy and Big-Hearted Mandarin Woman, you find out that they've been happily married for years.

Survivor: Office

For the first time ever, Survivor and The Office synergize. It's called real life, with less jungle, less Steve Carrell, and more packing peanuts. Because at my place of work, they recycle employees like Americans should newspapers or plastic bottles. We're left with a three employees which are not linked to the family-owned business by blood or vows. If I had three less toes, they would have fired as many people in the last two months as I have toes.
We've started to lose orders based on who is still there, and who is not. And it's very hard to blame someone who is currently unemployed. Nobody wants to make that call.
Angela? Oh, hi.
Yes, it is me from--
Oh. Yes. We really are sorry to not have you here anymore--
Yes, I suppose you're right.
Well, yes. I mean, don't take this whole thing as a judgement of your character or anything...
Yes, yes, I guess I do understand how all of this sounds.
But the reason I was calling was about this order, we just can't find it anywhere, and we thought that maybe--
Yes, I am serious. Why do you ask?
Hello?
Angela?

The What's What of Lukewarm Tuesday Evenings

What is it about cheese that instinctively makes me crave Diet Coke?
Who can say?
And what is it about springtime weather that makes me slip and fall?
Mud.
Last but not least, what is the cost of breaking out the non-pants before I've shaved the winter from my legs?
Dignity in the workplace.

Fewer Giraffes, Just as Epic

I did it.
I saw 300. I saw it despite my disappointment when every time I saw the previews on TV I thought it was called "Zoo".
I saw it despite my fear of violence and things that do not involve Hugh Grant. And I liked it.
I like the story where the little guys beat the odds, and do it with cases instead of six packs on their chests, shoe scrappers on their heads, and capes.
Always more capes, I say.
And also because they call it "crimson" instead of "red", fueling my undying love for descriptive colors.
The role of the Queen was fantastic, and you know what? It is more about the ILoveYou's and less about the city lines and water supply and death. We just needed another epic film to remind us of that.
So I'm just taking this opportunity to profess my love for you, InterWeb.
I love you. And I would take three hundred of my best men to fight for you in capes.

Shrt Pst. Because there simply isn't time for vowels.

I enjoy short posts. They are sweet, and to-the-point. I am one of thousands of people who enjoy my dose of daily Dooce, but I'm telling you, if you miss a day, you get behind fast. Real fast.
So, to make up for my more than a week's absence, I will share with you this:

There are two full body plastic skeletons in my anatomy classroom. I found out today that their names are Ram the Destroyer and Lunchbox.