Liar, Liar and other bad Jim Carrey movies

Truths:
I hate birthdays.
I hate surprises.
I hate anything remotely associated with fun.

Other truths:
Steph, Molly, Anna and Lisa with The Future President of Africa as their ring leader and designated driver (only because of age, not alcohol consumption) throw one mean surprise birthday party. Complete with chocolate cake, Play Doh party pack, pink and purple streamers and Michael Jackson. And a pound and half of lemon lime jelly beans which have given me a persistent stomach ache because in the darkness of my room, nobody else knows when I eat handfuls at a time and when they're all the best flavor in the world, there is no incentive to cautiously eat one at a time.

One last truth:
How badly you don't want to do homework should be measured by the number of houses in your Play Doh city. (Four. Plus one community center.)

Collectors of Chuck Taylors and ash trays

Nothing miffs me like young people smoking. People smoking in general is not acceptable, but at least for the eldest generations they started when everyone was telling them that cigarettes were delicious. There is no reason for young people today to start smoking. Particularly in a generation that is trying to make Uncool the new Cool by flattering the world with all of our intelligence and wit. I think we've come to a new low of hypocrisy when smoking is so bad for you that it's cool to do things that are stupid again. Because it's "Scene". And nothing matches my orange asymmetrical haircut like a blazing death stick.

"I'm like, so into smoking right now"
"Yeah, me too! It's so weird."
"Yeah, I just like, want to be smoking cigarettes all the time lately"
"I know...I'm just like, really into it."
"Haha I know it's like I'm getting addicted or something."
"HA! I know! Funny. Us. Addicted to cigarettes. "

"Do you smoke cigarettes? [waves a dollar at me]"
"Um. No. I value my lungs."
"Me too."
"Really, you do?"
"Oh yeah! I mean, I smoked for a long time. And I've been clean for a while now."
"And now you want a cigarette?"
"Yeah, just one though. I mean, it's been 40 days."
"So why now?"
"Well I had one earlier tonight. BUT IT'S JUST TONIGHT!"
"Mkay."
"No, seriously. I'm only having two tonight."
"Right. Just two."
"No! I am!"
"Sure. What's your name?"
"Blake."
"Okay Blake. Have a pleasant evening. Good luck with the lung function."
"No! Wait...!"

Reading between the lines

"You can lean on long time friends in the coming week".
That was my fortune after a buffet feast last Saturday afternoon. If they were trying to be honest about this "fortune", then I would prefer it just say "In the coming week, your days will be shitty, but on the bright side, you have some friends who you've known awhile and probably they'll be around during the shit days.". Because isn't that really what that fortune is saying?

When everyone inside the gates of the collegeplace is sick, you're bound to come down with something eventually. So I bought a nice hot cup of Earl Grey to soothe my itchy esophagus Monday afternoon and sat down to waste time at my little MacBook. After a nice long chat with Rob at the Apple helpline, apparently my warranty does not insure clumsiness when I knock the tea onto the left hand home-row. (I drew a Sharpie reenactment, but you should not buy an HP all-in-one printer/scanner because it will not work ever.) MacBook recovered after 24 hours in tent-formation, but I'm still trying to work out the bugs and am doing some preemptive hard drive back up, including hard copies of all my recent music purchases. This would totally be a more daunting task if I didn't get some sort of sick joy out of alphabetizing my music collection.

After many tears, a Target run that ended in more tears, another desperate call to the Apple helpline and a scolding from the campus computer man who has bad advice, I got some bad news from The Future President of Africa, followed by more sickness. Finally when I was going to go see the recent renovations on the house in preparation for selling it (cue: more tears), we got a flat tire on the least accessible campus ever and rode in a giant truck with a strange man who I had some feeling Mother was trying to set me up with. And here I sit at the tire repair place that is a wi-fi hot spot waiting for the car to be better.

I will take those leaning-friends now, please.

Hocus Pokey

The past two days have been filled with your 4 basic food groups:

1. Grilled Cheese
2. Chinese Food
3. Apple Jacks
4. Tepid Tap Water

Two notables:

What's in that cabinet?
Plates.
That one?
Tiny wine glasses.
That one?
Ferrets.
Ferrets are creepy.
Yeah, well, my family is creepy.

Scene: Waiting room at the pediatrician's office to make sure The Future President of Africa is a healthy leader for her people.
Poke on ankle
I think there is a child under my chair.
What?
I look under my seat
There is for sure a child under my chair.
Poke.
What? No there's not. You're making that up. Funny.
Poke. PokePoke.
It's poking me.
She looks.
Oh my god. There is a child under your seat. Wow.
She is summoned by the lady with the cotton swab; embarrassed family comes to recruit child. PokePokePokePoke.
I'm Anders Killian.
Nice to meet you Anders Killian. Have a nice day, I hope you're not sick.
Okay.

I am hearing voices and they are telling me to dance.

I always felt a little uneasy about iPod video.
iPod photo and I had such a good relationship. Sure we had our share of problems. Those two weeks abroad where it wouldn't "turn on" or "charge". But it was iPod photo! The concept itself was so ridiculous that you could write off random malfunctions as quirks. Ah yes, those three years were great. When I bought my MacBook this past summer, I couldn't just turn down a new, shiny iPod video, even though I would have to be crazy to actually watch something on a screen smaller than my palm.

The last three weeks have been quite tumultuous for iPod video and I. There were those four days when it wouldn't turn off and the battery would run out before I had time to dance my way across campus to wake up after "math". Or yesterday when the alarm wouldn't go off. Or today when the Tullycraft was playing but the screen was entirely black.
But I danced anyways.

Shake it like a 10 megapixel jpeg file

It is a sad day in the world of all of us who grew up on shaking our pictures into development and later called it a dance move.

Some reactions:

K: What? No! The song! The memories!
T: What?! Dang. Well, man. I mean, probably it'll be like vinyls. They'll be gone for 10 years and then people will come to their senses and realize their greatness. Well we're on the topic of sad stuff, did you hear they're raising the price of stamps again?
Future President of Africa: What the #$&@?! Who the #*@$ announced that and who the *#$@ do they think they are?! Are you lying to me right now? I don't understand. Why would they want to wreck my life like this?

Ow.

Profesora: How old do you have to be to drive in the US?
Clase: Dieciseis.
Profesora: How many members were in the Beatles?
Girl: Cinco!
Me: Um...no. Cuatro.
Profesora: Si. Cuatro.
Girl: Oh. Hehehe! Really?
Me: Si.
Profesora: Si. Paul, George, Ringo and John.
Girl: Hahaha! Wow! I, like, totally don't know the Beatles. N'Sync anyone?!

Are you calling me fat?

When it's Fat Tuesday, Super Tuesday and your birthday, does that make it a Super Fat Birthday? If so, I would have appreciated the same delicious red velvet cupcake with cream cheese frosting and sparkler candle, except with the caucus ballot in the middle to save me from the 2+ miles of traffic from any direction of the middle school.

Also, I would appreciate calmed fears about the simplicity of the caucus presidential voting procedures. That mom from my neighborhood could totally be slipping in faulty votes into the green envelope for our precinct. Why else would her hair be so big if it's not FILLED WITH LIES?

Debt for a good cause

"So what's your major?"
"Well, it was sign language. But it turns out that I hate sign language so now I'm not really sure."
"Whatever, that's fine. When I started I was a Justice and Peace Studies major. But it turns out that I hate justice and I hate peace."