Pizza Pizza.

I definitely believe in a generation gaps.

Some acceptable generation gaps:
-Little Ceasar's Pizza
-Roseanne
-Giant glasses
-The Juicy Fruit Gum Theme Song (?)
-Leave It To Beaver


But this is so far beyond that, it cannot be excused;

"Hey, does anybody know if John Lennon was in The Beatles?"

Rejected.

Okay, I'm no Popeye, but iron, she runs in my veins.
Maybe not you're "necessary 38%" but c'mon. I stayed out of the world hot-spots, I ate a healthy breakfast AND lunch, and, thank you very much, am not HIV Positive.

You need 38.
I had 37.
I have nothing left to give, Memorial Blood Centers.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to run out and buy Flinstones with Iron (As per Wendy PricksYourFinger's recommendation).
Psh.

Sign This.

While a group of girls chatters amongst themselves, dropping their failing sign language finals into the trash, they gossip about some girl they hate--I know, girl hatred in The Bubble--warn the press. Anyways, they rip apart some poor girl like vultures to a zebra carcass when it gets personal. I'm sitting there, completely vacuumed into to "The Time Travelers Wife" (if you haven't read this go, now) when I hear them openly yell, "All Megans are bitches", completely oblivious to myself, sitting a row behind them, or really anyone else in their worlds so small I sometimes wonder how they fit each other inside. I didn't look up, because out of the corner of my eye I could see one of them lean back and they were quiet for a second, obviously more or less realizing what they'd just said as one of them tries to save it with "..uh..except NICE Megans...". Were Henry and Clare not so intriguing, the mental glare would have prolonged.

Exchanging Dora Jumpsuit For Business-Casual

Why is it, that whenever we are talking to anyone under the age of 8, we adopt a higher pitched voice? Also, why does Sadie, age 4.5, have better speech than I, and without the little-person voice, she'd easily sound 5 years my senior?

Sadie: Hi.
Me: Hey Sadie! How are you?
Sadie: Good.
Me: Is it your mom's birthday today?
Sadie: Yes.
Me: What'd you get her?
Sadie: Nothing, the cake is our present.
Me: Ohhh! What kind of cake?
Sadie: Chocolate.
Me: Does it have frosting?
Sadie: Not yet. We haven't written anything yet.
Me: Oh you're going to write something on it?!
Sadie: Yes. I have to go now. Good bye. >Click<

Fluent In Mom

She: "Let's watch 'Shiloh and Hitch'"
I: "Hustle and Flow?"
She: "...Yeah."

A Question. (Answers Accepted Via Comments)

Why are blogs so Fight Club?
They are generally secret, or go through some sort of secret phase, and they aren't talked about unless its through a comment.
For the time being, I am indifferent about Fight Club status, but am still curious to know why its there.

Welcome To The Bubble

"Where's Jackie?"
"Skipping class to go tanning"

"Why didn't you go to history today Jackie?"
"Because I had more important things to talk about than World War Two"

(Takes a sip of a Mango Naked Juice) "Ew Mango is terrible...it reminds me of breakfast on spring break and makes me feel sick"

"Why do you chew?"
"It's convenient"
"Convenient?"
"Yeah, I can just like go to the bathroom and put some in and just...sit there during class, and spit it out in the toilet..I don't even need a water bottle or anything"

Northern Girl

Okay, maybe I just don't understand because I'm not from the South, or because I've never actually had it, but seriously, what is the appeal behind chicken fried steak?

Real Issue No. 253

Why are they called Floppy Disks?
They are not floppy.
Floppy.
And just once more...Floppy.

I Do Not Have The Bones Of An Idol, So Please Don't Dig Me Up

Brotherly Love, last time I checked, did not involve spreading sickness the weekend of The New Pornographers/Belle & Sebastian concert, then leaving for a week in Wisconsin Dells, but perhaps I should just check more often. Changing from sweatpants to jeans and a sweater to walk 6 blocks from the parking garage in the sleet is not on the easy list, but is maybe worse when you're seeing double and hearing little to nothing. It was, however, conveniently loud enough at the concert to muffle my hacking cough, along with the fact that Belle & Sebastian are from Scotland and have accents so cute I could eat them up with my Ludens Cherry Cough Drops. On a side note, it really is only a matter of time before they start putting active ingredients on Jolly Ranchers. After all, I guess I could have been Nat who got the stomach flu the night before and couldn't go at all. (I love you Nat...The concert wasn't that amazing(thatsalie)).

You Know Its A Lazy Sunday Morning When...

Your brothers and you spend the morning watching Jwanna Mann.

Don't Judge What You Don't Know

For example, my new Pasta Express.
I'm so happy I could throw up.
But I won't.
Because the water is boiling.

"Embrace It." "No."

Thing number 356 that I don't like:

Getting my ears cleaned.

Of all the things that could have run in my family genes, like perfectly tanned skin, wicked intelligence, or small feet, I get narrow ear canals. Who trumped God on this hand?

I Love You Too, Marlboro.

James Blunt is on Oprah, and as we speak, and my mother is singing along to "Goodbye, My Lover", a song that she has never heard before, doesn't know the words to, and only likes becuase she probably thinks that the man who has chronic laryngitis is cute. I didn't have the heart to turn it off, so instead of some girl who he loved being the subject matter, I imagined he was singing of the pains of giving up a cigarette addiction.



Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

If Anybody Wants To Talk About The Following, Please Let Me Know

1) Charlize Theron's second head

2) The woman in the orange dress sitting with the Crash posse who freaked out whenever anything happened.

3) How sickeningly adorable Reese is

4) Why Brittany Murphy was there

5) A letter to Lindsay Lohan explaining that she should stop campaigning for a Steve Madden add

6) Why everybody wants to be Sandra Bullock's best friend except when people call her "Sandy"

7) A congratulatory letter to JLo for finding green

8) George Clooney in general

Barbie Would Have Been Proud

I spent the night last night as a chaperone for a group of 35 seventh and eighth grade girls for their "pink party" all-nighter lock-in at church.

Itinerary went as follows:

7:00- The night begins, 35 tweens fleet into the church decked in more pink than I ever care to see again.
7-8:30- Dressing up high school boys in old bridesmaid's dresses, putting Caboodles make up on them, and then holding a fashion show.
8:30-10:00- Various activities including small groups where time was spent discussing their recycled boyfriends, and the effectiveness of breaking up through a note or an instant message conversation.
10-11:00- Much text messaging, shrieking, screaming, nail painting, pizza-eating, and drinking 2 sips of a bottle of water, leaving it somewhere, then opening another.
11-12:30- "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants"
12:30-2- "Raising Helen"
2:00- Sleep angel arrives for 35 exhausted girls.
2:00-7:00- Clean up, intermingled with an hour or so of sleep.


Good Night.

Let's Talk About The Real Issues

Why are you being so calm? People are drinking SAND!

This was just heard from a TV in the background where some member of this family is mindlessly watching ER (Which, if you ask me, is kind of beating the dead horse--medical entertainment-ly speaking). This reminded me of sometime this weekend when we pondered how lucky we are that it rains water and not sand. What if all water was replaced by sand? What would happen to all of the lakes? Chew on that for a moment.