The first are the words of my mother, the second voiced at a church group. Among other reasons I don't want children.

"I found some Pogs the other day...are they still popular?"

"I have a Crock Pot we can use!"
"I think I could get us some drugs.."
"I don't know anything."

Entrepreneurial Spirits

McKaylah: [Age 6.5, Grand entrance, approx. 15 minutes tardy] "I have fabulous news everybody"
Everybody: [Composite Age 75] "What's that?"
McKaylah: "I'm getting starting a new job." Because man, my last job paid peanuts and the manager was a controlling poop-face. And I have to put tea on the table for 6 dolls.
Everybody: "?"
McKaylah: "I'm opening a restaurant. And a hair salon. And a music place. And I already have a band for the music place."
Mr. Super Teach: "Well when everything's ready, I'll have to come eat at your restaurant okay?"
McKaylah: "Yup, and y'know what? Customers don't even have to pay if they don't want to."
MST: "Well it's a good thing you're here in math to work on your numbers."
McKaylah: "YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO PAY!"
Muffin: "Hey McKaylah, if you have three restaurants and then open three more, how many do you have?"
McKaylah: "Six!"
Muffin: "Good! Okay and if you have six and I close down three, how many do you have now?"
McKaylah: "Why are you closing down my restaurants?"

1st Day Back From Break Reveals Small Person Tendencies

"Every time I go in the bath, I pee." -Weston age thicks ana haf.

It's a Recessive Trait

"Hey Meg, you know how you feel about velvet?"
"Yes."
"That's how I feel about polar fleece."
"Ew."
"Yeah. It's crawly-creepy."

The Wiggles' Version of Octopus's Garden: Equally Disturbing

Mark (age 8): Who's Dave Matthew's Band?
Me: It's a band that I like a lot, I went to the concert a few months ago.
Mark: Oh. Like The Beatles?
Me: Um, well, sort of, but The Beatles are not The Beatles anymore...they're 50% dead.
Mark: Oh.
Amara (age 7): Ears perk the way a dog's do when you say the w-word. Did you say The Wiggles?!
Me: Oh, no The Beatles.
Amara: Disappointment, like when you were talking about w-o-k, not w-a-l-k. Oh. Well you know, the yellow Wiggle had to stop being a Wiggle.
Me: Oh, really?
Amara: Yep. He wasn't feeling good. He got sick.
Me: Huh. Interesting.
Amara: Satisfaction, pure satisfaction.

Hit or Miss

That Girl and I live by the same principal that you take in with you to TJ Maxx or Marshall's. Sometimes you find amazing shoes, sometimes you don't. Sometimes a creepy foreigner takes a picture up your skirt, sometimes you find great shoes. And sometimes you're funny, sometimes you collect awkward social situations like an elderly woman does cats.

TG: Oh Tim says that all the time.
Innocent Bystander: Who's Tim?
M: That's her pet name for me.
TG: Yep. And She calls me Richard Parker.

Insecure with a Swimming Unit in Gym Class

"In the eighth grade I was the only kid who wore her Halloween costume to the Halloween dance. "
"What'd you go as?"
"A spy."
"Ouch."
"Yeah, middle school is rough on everybody."