Snapple, Clogged Toilets, College Speak, and Those Cookies That are Already Soft.

I will hand out no remorse for the girls who spent this weekend laying on the dock without sunscreen. I can't understand how sun triggers endorphins, mostly because every time I have bare skin in plain sight of the rays, I imagine all my pores making sad faces.
The weekend was otherwise filled with eating, lounging, vocalizing the potential to do something other than eat and lounge, comedy, Imaginiff*, and what this particular group does best- talk. Most of the time conversation never aims at any particular goal, answer or conclusion but is somehow quite fulfilling. Especially when we all unintentionally bring the same three t shirts.

*This is a board game that Sister bought me that is a complete excuse to judge any eight people you know guilt free. She knows me well.

Something in the Water

This week is the week of madness, every year. Because Brother, Grandmother, Sadie (see a few posts below), Grandfather, Aunt and Mrs. That Girl all celebrate their birthdays.
Brother celebrated his twentieth year on Wednesday with plaid shorts, the new Harry Potter book, and tickets to the Kotton Mouth Kings concert at the Myth. Then I woke up from a terrible nightmare in which it was my birthday. Also, he bought himself a calendar to count down the days until his next birthday so he can, finally- at very long last- an entire lifetime's wait-only 363 days to go- ride in the passenger seat with a kid who has their learner's permit.
Yesss.

For the Good of Everyone

I know.
Don't worry, you don't have to explain to me. I know that you've been disciplined at work on numerous occasions for what appears to be wasting time, to unknowing eyes, of course. That sometimes, at meals you just stare at your plate of food, simply wondering. Answerless.
But do not fear.
There will be no more sleepless nights where you are just mulling, trying to figure out just how much time two twenty one year old boys can talk about cow farts.
I have the answer.
Twenty two minutes.
Go, enjoy your free, thoughtless time.

Because every Fine Point needs an Ultra Fine Point mate

It's that time of year again.
Almost better than Christmas.
But riddle me this:
Does Santa bring you the 24 pack of Sharpies for $10 from Target?

She Would Kill Me

Finally. Pictures of the new mini.
We have the whole big family here from the left; Lauren: the one you can't ask to repeat what she said because she may be to afraid, Mom: boo-boo fixer, Dad: the appliance fixer, Sadie: the proud owner of three newly vacant teeth spaces, and Charlie: the one trying to figure out why he spent so much time in such a small womb when he had this sweet gig to come out to.

Disciples and Daisy

It's fun to sneak into summer camp sometimes.
But why is that whenever I come home from any event, no matter how fun it was, my response about the hows of the trip is always "Fine."?
Perhaps this time it's because I am finding myself in a particularly responsible position of planning the birthday party of a friend. She is away learning Arabic with the future government secret agents of the world, as we plan a Great Gatsby gala to celebrate another year of Alexandra*. Responsibility bites, but in the name of flappers, bathtub whiskey and linen pants, I will address real live paper invites, learn how to make gazpacho and taste sparkling juices until my stomach could float away.

*She says she will go by this next year, so I'm giving it a test drive.

Things Realized Tonight; A Progressive Outline

1. If you stay inside long enough, people will start to bring you life lines.
   
1. See: Train CDs, foodstuffs, Gilmore Girls
1. If one could cash in the rental and late fees at the video store spent solely on season five, one could buy season five.
2. I've worn the same t-shirt a few days now and there is gum on my pants. I can tell you guilt and dignity-free that Train is one of the best bands that ever was.
   
2. Alphabetizing CDs is phenomenally therapeutic.
   
1. But seriously. Where do you put the mixes accumulated over the years?
   
2. Other things that are therapeutic:
1. Crocs. I did it. They are red and spongy and lovely.
   
1. And yes, it's okay that That Girl, fashionista extraordinaire, is a bit jealous.
   
2. Spending money. It's like crack, you do more so that you forget how bad it is that you're doing crack.
   

It's The American Way

When you open a credit card, you max it out the first day.
I did a little- okay a lot- of retail therapy for an especially bad two weeks. I found that a shiny new computer, iPod and printer (the printer was free, don't judge me (okay, fine, judge me)) will do just the trick to make you feel better.
I have divorced the PC ways. It's been a clean break, and as soon as I get custody of the email we'll be through. PC got custody of the iTunes library but it was sort of illegitimate so there's no hard feelings because it was backed up almost entirely on CDs- I knew that was a day well spent.
I've been courting a MacBook for a couple of months, and we eloped today. We are in the total honeymoon phase where every little thing it does is the cutest thing in the whole entire world. The kind of thing that makes everyone around you want to vom, but every time the little iTunes buddy bounces with a message, my heart melts a bit.

Flexing my Independent Muscles in the Free Land

5 Ways to Celebrate the Big 231:

1. Writing cards for the US. I think at 231, you're still not allowed to start the "Over the Hill" limericks, because in international retrospect, we should be losing our first tooth or using the toilet on a semi-regular basis.
2. Playing Apples to Apples. Because ex's make great "create your own" for adjectives like useless, desperate, and overly sensitive. Fruit is best served with a side of resentment.
   
3. Record how people verbally respond to fireworks and use it as your ring tone. Some good starting points: "Ohhh! WOW! OHMYGOSH WEEPING WILLOW! WEEPING WILLOW!!!!!"
4. Wrestle the brother that is 18 months and 100 pounds your senior in the mud at 3 am. Lose terribly, but then gloat about how Tess let you drive her fancy car and wouldn't let brother pry the key fob from her cold, dead hands.
   
5. Make key lime bars from a box, and tell people that they are homemade. Because really, what's more patriotic than lying?
   

Indulge

How to flood your synapses with endorphines:

1. The new Oreos that are dunking-shaped and a shot glass of milk just for proof. It took much to long for this invention, yes?
   
2. Here. Couldn't you just? Eeeee.