Empire Waste Belts Give Girl Stomach Ache

Things that blew my mind today:

1. Finding out from someone that at one point, people in the shipping department of the office I work at had fun.
   
2. Having brother answer the phone "[Insert company title] This is Mike".* I feel like I should make an appointment.
   
3. "Everyone can find one [new Victoria's Secret bra] they like. Sexy, romantic, or glam. Satin, lace or embroidered!" -Karolina, Victoria's Secret Angel. Thank you, Karolina. Now I will take the free underware no purchase necessary coupon you mailed to my father's name and cash it in when at the same time, I will ask them to change the spelling of your name and that of your friend Izabel also.
   

*This is very much unlike the times that my dad answers the phone with the name of the funeral home he used to work at, or "Joe's bar, this is Joe."** when I call.
**My dad's name is not Joe.