Ending in Tears: Day II

Is that a tear? Or just a bit of snowflake in my eye?
Both acceptable on your last early morning with first graders, when you walk the room (5 minutes late, as usual. Why show up on time now?) and a dozen seven year old boys are making you cards. Every one of them skipped up to me, handed them over, and then ran away and watched my reaction from a distance.
By the numbers:
3 with American flags
3 Snowmen
1 Pyramid
1 Barfing robot
1 Giant book on a rainbow road
1 Pool with me jumping in on one side and a squirrel on the other.
1 That just says "Josh"
And my favorite, not that a teacher should choose favorites, is one by the cutest child in 287.
This lovely card opens backwards, and there are six stars of David on the cover. The inside reads "it wuss the funist with you you are osom to: megan from: nicos"

And it was worth it to wake up at 6:30 every morning. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go sob awhile.

I Need an E-Shoulder to Catch My Real Tears. Seriously.

I didn't want to worry you before I had to, but it has come to this.
I've lost one of my muffin mittens.
Last seen sometime Saturdayish.
Very understanding friends and family have tried to help, and even went to Urban last night in search of new mittens. We came home with the cousin mittens which are brown and have pink felt bows.
Dumb bows.
If I left one of my children at the U of M campus, the solution would not be to adopt his cousins for $8, even if I could detach his bow face and sew on a muffin face.
Tears.
Sob.
Weep.

Entrepreneurial Spirits

McKaylah: [Age 6.5, Grand entrance, approx. 15 minutes tardy] "I have fabulous news everybody"
Everybody: [Composite Age 75] "What's that?"
McKaylah: "I'm getting starting a new job." Because man, my last job paid peanuts and the manager was a controlling poop-face. And I have to put tea on the table for 6 dolls.
Everybody: "?"
McKaylah: "I'm opening a restaurant. And a hair salon. And a music place. And I already have a band for the music place."
Mr. Super Teach: "Well when everything's ready, I'll have to come eat at your restaurant okay?"
McKaylah: "Yup, and y'know what? Customers don't even have to pay if they don't want to."
MST: "Well it's a good thing you're here in math to work on your numbers."
McKaylah: "YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO PAY!"
Muffin: "Hey McKaylah, if you have three restaurants and then open three more, how many do you have?"
McKaylah: "Six!"
Muffin: "Good! Okay and if you have six and I close down three, how many do you have now?"
McKaylah: "Why are you closing down my restaurants?"

Pumping Iron to Lift a 75 lb Machine and Plotting my Exit Strategy

I sacrificed Saturday morning yoga to go to work today. So instead of spending money for silence, cashed in on silence. I think that four hours in a printing room is quite like yoga, actually. Instead of flexibility, you're tested on how long you can stand without feeling dizzy and how long your patience with the automatic stapler/folder machine can be stretched before you reenact the scene from Office Space with the copier.

I'm Not Saying I'm Dying

I have a feeling, that if I were lying on my death bed, my new manager Paul and his ego would ask me to come in to pack diet pills and vacuum clean floors. Then, once I got there, I would make mental post-its of things to do as soon as I finished whatever I was doing. Like pick up packing peanut pieces (alliteration! yay!) as soon as I was done emptying empty trash cans and putting supplementary clean bags in them. Ego Paul would then rattle off a list of things I already know to do, delete my mental notes, save me no time to grab the real check list, later criticize me for not picking up the packing peanut pieces, and then lecture me on the importance of the check list.
Ego Paul, do you think I do not know the benefits of a checklist?
I know the benefits of a checklist.
I know.

Project Milk

• It is quaint to have your milk delivered every Monday morning: True.
• Every time I think about John, our former milk man who moved up to Corporate, I smile: True.
• Every time we get a note from Gary, the new milkman, just a novice in the world of dairy delivery, I think of his potential and smile as well: True.
• It is realistic for a three person household to have six gallons of milk in the house at one point in time, and expect it to not go to waste: False.

I'm working on a technology that allows me to pump milk through the monitor, into cyberspace, and straight to you, Mister Interweb Surfer, lest I first turn into a complete solid of 1000% bone density.

1st Day Back From Break Reveals Small Person Tendencies

"Every time I go in the bath, I pee." -Weston age thicks ana haf.

Sweet Dreams and Flying Machines in Pieces on the Ground

Things I'm sick of:

1. Not wanting to do laundry. I love laundry!
2. Dreaming about sleeping poorly.
3. Dreaming about waking up.
4. Trying to cut back on coffee. Maybe this has to do with the previous.
5. Winter. I long for the muggy, rainy aura of spring.
6. Having that one sad James Taylor song stuck in my head.

Fewer Fears in '07

Last year's resolution came out as successful as I think one can get in 365 days. I can produce sound, not a rich, song-like sound, but nonetheless, sound. If I could find the computer mic, I would record it to prove all you non-believers wrong.

This year?
Be less afraid.
And cross legs less.