Success is Measured in Strong Platelettes

My purple stick-to-self tape is evidence of the iron supplement I took this morning.
I didn't anticipate that my iron would be up from its' last (and rejected) 37%, as I have not had any extra dead cows or leafy greens, and mentally prepared myself for failure once again.
Blood spun.
Iron was measured.
And 40% may as well be 100%.
And then I started to panic.
Blood Guy told me to settle down or my pulse would keep going up and he'd send me away.
Blood Guy sent me to Blood Gal. She told me to relax, that I'd be fine, and that my blood would enjoy its free joy ride on a teeter-totter. I told my legs and chin to cease the shaking because if they were going to send me away, they were going to send me away for a legitimate, chemical reason. Fear would not get me here.
Blood tubes on my right kept my gaze at lovely, calming, friendly faces. Marissa even documented my fright in photos- blood bag and all. All was wellish. Until I saw Senorita Cosita on a bed, covered in blankets. I squeezed harder to force blood into the tubes to go crack a Ron Burgandy joke to make all well in the world for SC.
My time: 5 Min. 2 Sec.
I stood.
I walked.
I comforted.
I buckled.
And we laid sipping Sprite from straws, knowing that for something to go smoothly and without black-outs, for us, is simply too much to ask.

This Is A Personal Attack At Beep

Things that will give me stress ulcers:

1. Recording voicemail greetings
1. The urgency of that woman
2. The beep-record-pound process. How am I to record a decent song such that I don't have to record my own voice when I'm worried about pound?
3. The 25 seconds of talk time my expired battery allots me.
   
2. Chocolate chips in ice cream.
   
3. Beta-blogger
4. Suitcases
5. Ebay
6. Posting codes that don't follow the proper outline format.

Early Childhood Lessons Teach Tough Love And The Real Meaning Behind Infinity

When little kids need a number line to do 1+3, it's because grasping that it's the same as 3+1 is just too hard.
And yes, 0+0 is much bigger than that. How do you explain to a 2-footer that it really is nothing+nothing?
A number line.
That's how.

"Free plus free is..fo? No. Let me see da white bode. Free...fo..five..six...seben..no. SIX! Six? Six!!" (Waves celebratory digits about)

"Okay. Watch me make da free"
"I'm watching"
"See? Make two bumps. Like dis."
"Oops, that's backwards, try again"
"Oh yeah. I knew dat. [Erasing] Dis eraser is sorta soapy."
"Soapy?"
"Yes. Dat's why it made that yellow line."
"Ohh.."
"Yeah. Okay I'm going to draw lollipops."
"Wait, what about the three?"
"Will you put me inside your coat?"
"Errrm..."
"You're my best friend."
"Do you want red stars for the ones you got right?"
"I love you."

Things That Suck No. 584

Whipping your hair stylishly around completely forgetting you have two semi-heavy glass beads stranded in, until one hits you on the bridge of your nose.

Twice.
In an hour.

My Chain Hangs Low Like The Floor Of The '84 Cutlass In Dusty Rose

Add this to the list of things that I will just never know:

Why GGMA-M's car had B96 as her preset #2.

This Is The Best Day Of My Life Because I Learned What Apostrophe Does

When second graders just don't feel like getting out of bed in the morning to play word finds and read "Iguana", they find means of cheering each other up. Mahkaylah struggled with the word "where" time and time again, while Amara just didn't want to roll the hard consonant dice. Deshawn had a gold-star attitude even after a dice-throwing casualty that landed "cl" right on his forehead. Of course, what better way to boost spirits than to serenade Amara with Dido.

"Amara, what's wrong? It's not so bad. Seriously. It's not so bad, it's not so baaaad. OhhhOHHOHHH It's not so baaad Amara!"

And you know what?
It wasn't so bad.

Things That Suck No. 253

Realizing you've been posting via the "Edit Html" tab and not the "Compose" tab for the last year. I guess I just thought indentation and lists were not really an option.

Lesson learned:
Ignorance is not bliss.
Ignorance keeps features from Muffin.

Because Mittens Don't Reach The Home Row

Its time to venture into the unknown world of functioning thermostats when you're typing with gloves on.

How To

Genuinely embarrass yourself:

Do a 2nd grade math problem wrong.

"6+3+5 isn't 15? Oh yeah. Well, I don't have that many fingers. What's that? Neither do you? Well my shoe size is older than you. Give me your lunch money."

Benny'd Be Proud

Real Catholics show up to mass 1/2 an hour late and leave early to avoid lines at the doughnut table.