Saturday, September 30, 2006

I'm About To Have A [Panic Attack] If You Don't Give Me Some Personal Space.

Smells I smelled at the Atmosphere concert last night:
-Shaving Cream
-Tommy Hilfiger Cologne
-Corn Cob Litter. We used to put this in my rabbit's litter box. Memories of him are usually more nostalgic and don't make overpriced lemonade rise in my throat.
-B.O. Which I have gotten sort of attached to just calling "bo". I was unsure about this concert in the first place because I feel like everytime I go to concerts, they always play the songs I don't know, and then I'm only 1/2 the fan as the smelly guy next to me. With the catchy beats, the majority of the standing crowd audience had one or both of their arms in the air waving to the beat, and in all the arm-raising-beat-catching, it fanned all the bo directly outward. Before I knew it, it was like standing in a room filled with middle school kids.

Aside from slight claustrophobia invasions, stupid convenience charges*, and the unnecessary three opening acts, it was a success and I knew most of the songs.


*I would call it convenient if someone gave me 10 bucks for no reason too.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

For The Commitment-Fearing, Celebration Is In Order

Happy Blogiversary, YKTSTSM.
For our first year, I wrote you an end rhyme poem.

We've outlasted any diary in which I wrote.
Perhaps on our fifth Blogiversary, we'll celebrate on a boat.
I wrote to you on a semi-daily basis,
Much more than anything in my past, at least in most cases.
So Happy Blogiversary, You Know That Sound That Scissors Make,
From my future, you shall not shake.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

He Can Probably Fly Too.

There is no patience like a man who:
Is a kindergarten teacher.
Volunteers to help second grade math before school every morning.
Does bus duty after early morning math.
Runs the mile with his 4th graders.
Takes the 5th graders to overnight Spanish camp.
And has five boys at home.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

I'm On Third

Chips: "These cookies are amazing"
Chunks: "Thanks..OH! I put chocolate chunks in them!"
Chips: "Oh, that's okay.."
Chunks: "Wait..do you..you don't like chunks? Are you chips? And I'm chunks?"
Chips: "I'm chips."
Chunks: "I'm chunks?"
Chips: "You're chunks."
Chunks: "Crap."

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

"I Used To Pick Up Shifts As Santa During Christmastime Because Nobody Told Me Not To, And Because Nobody Checked My Background"

I attended a volunteer training for the Catholic church to remind us not to follow suit of our leaders who inappropriately touch young children. It consisted of two video segments with case studies and interviews with the victimized children, their families, and the pervs. To much dismay, the guy who's been luring kids since he was twelve, the girl who got touched by her priest, and the kid who used to go to his camp counselor's apartment every once in awhile, were all paid actors. I'm still slightly bitter as I and about 35 other volunteer trainees invested our emotions into their stories.
Apparently it was Sucker training also.
The video segments were intermissioned by the training representative who deals with said situations. He profiled himself as the text book child predator, being "large and bearded", exclaiming that he knows how to appropriately interact with children without making them or those around believe he is thinking otherwise. Those tall, bearded, or both in the audience were warned.

I learned several things at this particular session. 1) Don't touch kids. 2)Maturity level is not measured in years.

Friday, September 15, 2006

Reasons To Buy Second Hand

1. So that you can compromise your morals to buy velvet shoes
2. Shirts with Jello molds on them

That's all.

Monday, September 11, 2006

To Avoid Any Confusion, This Is The Refrigerator

Legit uses of the 24 pack of Sharpies:

1. Decorating the CDs which now back up my entire music collection and fitting artists to specific colors.
2. Making bubble map of the people I know, matching friends to specific colors.
3. Coming up with various different names for each color, and logging them.
4. Practicing adding a tail to my u's.
5. Experimenting different ways to write my "&" symbol.
6. Labeling things
7. Coloring, designing my new walls

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Yougoogalee And Other Zoolander Tales

The other day, after we found out Great Grandma Marion had taken a right down a dead end after 92 years, I was volunteered to help write the eulogy to a woman I didn't know well beyond the elf soap and cat ornaments she'd given me for the past 17 years at Christmas time. I opted to hand over the privilege to motherdearest who grew up with her, and was bound to write a more heart-felt passage than one that uses expressions like "chillin' with J.C. in the clouds" as distraction slang from extreme discomfort.

Some things I learned about GGMA-M (It caught on at the end there...) that are not likely to be repeated in my own eulogy:
-She made Chex Mix years before they came out with it, and years before you could patent recipes. She called it "Party Mix".
-Marion never had a hair out of place.
-She kept everything. Including newspapers from almost everyday.
-She was stylish, sophisticated, and a fabulous cook.

I think I'd actually be fairly accurate in saying that they could 180 GGMA-M's life and call it mine. That'll save someone some time somewhere along the line.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Doctor's Orders

Cut tongue on a yogurt cup trying to lick the excess inside the yogurt cup lip.
Change the common slang of "F-Bomb" to "Effenheimer". Thanks for showing that one to the world, Poppa.
Catch up on this past Oscars' nominees:
-Brokeback Mountain:: I knew Heath Ledger was bound for greatness after 10 Things I Hate About You. I expected less sadness, but still, greatness.
-Capote::Amazing. Probably not designed to learn more about myself. Hm.
-Elizabethtown:: It's amazing that this can hold the same concept as one of my more favorite books (Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. Read it. Love it.) about finding more about your father because you didn't while he was alive, yet the cinema piece can be such an ENORMOUS LOAD OF CRAP! Shame on you Orlando and Kirsten. Shame on you both.
-The Producers:: Bueller...Bueller...