Migratory Patterns Of An Osteichthyes

The fish now resides on the bathroom counter.

Reverse Psychology for Thursdays

Things to be happy about:

1. When you go to the online Merriam Webster dictionary, you can ask them to say words which is both helpful, and fun.
2. Target
3. Arts & Crafts
4. Welch's Grape Juice
5. The new hair dryer which has orange accents, and both concentrator and diffuser attachments (I stress once again-- it's about the features)
6. The new(ish) Atmosphere CD
7. Updating the Pod, cleaning out those artists that you don't listen to
8. Almost all acrylic nail mistake residue is gone
9. The Electric Fetus
10. The wooden fish in the fireplace

I Would Have Let Go

One of my favorite feelings is when you're sitting in the car during the winter, and you get out to go inside, and even though your frigidly cold, you know its going to be warm inside, so its so worth it. Going up to the cabin in the winter kind of sucks the fun out of this feeling, because we turn the heat off when we're not there, instead of, well you know, throwing money away. Anyways, we usually go inside, turn the heat on, and sit around a 30 year old kerosene heater for a few hours until the place warms up. However, the recent sub-zero temps took away even that. I walked in to put some stuff on the kitchen counter, and looked at the faucet where an inch long icicle was hanging. All of our pipes were frozen because a certain anonymous family member forgot to turn off the water when they left last. We turned on the heat and sacrificed the kerosene heater to the basement with hopes of melting the ice in the pipes. We went out to dinner, and came back to unchanged conditions- Ice in the toilet bowl and all. Turns out the pilot light went out in our heating system and blew a few fuses. We got it lit again, and turned all of the faucets in the "on" position so that we'd know if they'd thawed. I layered in several layers of sweat material and smart wool, curled up under even more layers of down covers, and watched Grey's Anatomy until my eyes closed. At around 6 am, I was waken by the sudden rush of water coming from every faucet. I was a little misty eyed as I watched it flow. If you can imagine the scene in Titanic when they finally come to save everybody, it was pretty much the exact same thing as that. Except less water.

Good Morning

You know how sometimes, your hair gets stuck in the suck-y end of the hair dryer and it starts a small fire and smolders for awhile, then bursts a fuse in the other room?

That was fun.

A Question

What is a giant, wood, orange, fish doing in my fireplace?

Home, Where My Thought's Escaping

Tela and I just finished enjoying the cinematic pleasure that is Homeward Bound. And you know what? If you don't at least get misty-eyed when Shadow comes over that hill at the end..then you don't have a soul.

I Have An Illness, Dr. Shepherd.

It's called Grey's Anatomy Season One Came Out On DVDitis. It's very serious, I can't take visitors for awhile, it may be contagious. The most common symptom is the sudden urge to want to go through medical school and become an intern (Tegan and Sara playing the whole way, of course), followed by pressing the "play next episode" button at 7:00 on a Friday night. You might not be hearing me for a few days. Maybe hours.

It Just Never Gets Old

I was reading a book that takes place in the mid 1800's the other day, and they used the word muffin and I literally laughed out loud. That's right people. I LOLed.

This calls for a celebratory wearing of the muffin shirt tomorrow.

Best {Future} Celebrity Couple

Rachael Rae and Jim Cramer.

May they have stress-related ulcers in each other's company.

Rx Crayola

Okay so you know how sometimes when you have a bad day, or are just kind of stressed out, you maybe tune out to some good music, take a little nap, or watch some guilty-pleasure-I-tell-everybody-I-don't-watch-it-but-really-sometimes-I-do TV with something chocolate and delicious? Yeah so there's no TV in my room, the pod was downstairs, and it was a stupid time to sleep when I still had a lot to do. I looked on the floor next to my bed and grabbed the coloring books and markers that Kate gave me for my birthday, and in a pink bag next to them, some fruit snacks courtesy of Dolce*Vita*. I colored a picture of Elmo and then one of a rocking horse, while chewing Pooh Party fruit snacks. And it was for sure the best therapy I've ever had.


*http://thelifesublime.blogspot.com

Broken Fax Machine

Wait. Wait.
When did pomegranate juice start to be good?
Clearly I missed the memo.

Miscommunication

Okay, Dr. H, if you recall our conversation about you asking me if it was okay if you dilated my eyes, I said yes. Although the roll on sunglasses you gave me are adorable, what I meant to say is no, you can't dilate my eyes. Surely you understand. So if you could just make my pupils return to their original, non-giant size, such that I can function, that'd be swell. Thanks.

You're It.

Four jobs I've had:
1. Cookie chef for Sweet Martha's at the State Fair
2. Registration assistant at a Marketing Conference. "Here's your nametag, your workbook will be on your seat, and enjoy your stay at the Ritz Carlton Huntington"
3. Hoagy Master
4. Sister

Four movies I can watch over and over:
1. Almost Famous
2. Blow
3. Anchorman
4. Garden State

Four places I've lived:
1. I Have My Cake And Eat It Too, Minnesot-ah
2. My mother's uterus
3. Saturn
4. I'm a future residents of an ugly urn on someone's mantle. Hopefully that of somebody that I know and not someone who bought a pouch of me off of eBay.

Four TV shows I love:
1. Friends
2. Grey's Anatomy
3. The OC
4. Family Guy

Four places I've vacationed:
1. Pasadena, CA
2. NYC
3. Bonita Beach, FL
4. Leverkusen, Germany

Four of my favorite dishes:
1. Cesar Salad
2. Chicken Chow Fun
3. Soft Shell Tacos from Taco Bell, which taste better when I eat them with Rick.
4. Crab Cakes from the Oceanaire

Four sites I visit daily: BlogSpot and I have yet to resolve our link/bold/italic disagreement, which explains the non-blue.
1. SongMeanings.com
2. Various blogs
3. A list of picture sites
4. TheFormat.com

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. The cabin in the summer
2. The boat
3. The Frank household
4. Let's Cook

Four bloggers I am tagging:
1. Kate
2. Kris
3. Alex
4. Claire

"Attention Customers- Some Of Our Pitted Olives May Contain Pits"

Dear Whole Foods,

First of all, I want to thank you for your excellent store and all of its products. Your stock is through the roof in free-range meat, happy cow cheese, and hair spray made from grass. Your environmentally conscience attitude is awesome, and the "samples every day, all the time" is unbeatable, with great selections such as last nights' grilled mahi mahi or chocolate covered nuts as opposed to the cold Pizza Rolls some elderly woman tried to serve me at Jerry's a couple of Sunday mornings ago.
I figured that such a great company would be open to suggestions, which I have only one. I was walking through the produce department of one of your stores last night and came to your olive bar. Now, I love black olives on my pizza, but personally don't see the appeal in an entire bar dedicated to upward of 15 different "olive breeds" if you will and am curious to know the demographic that you're appealing to. I thought, perhaps something such as a cereal or maybe organic fruit snack bar might be something to consider.

I hope that you'll take these suggestions into consideration, and to hear from you soon.
Thanks, and keep up the great work.

-Muffin

A Birthday Wish

To go back in time.

Yesterday, A friend got me a gift certificate to a nail salon for a birthday present. We went and I was going to just get a regular French manicure, but she convinced me (and by convinced I mean that I thought acrylic nails looked sweet and decided to do it) to get acrylics. I've never had fake nails other than the press on ones you get for $6 at Target, and let me tell you, You; you do not want to stray away from Sally Hanson, she is a good woman. I sat down and an Asian woman who spoke little English immediately decided that she hated me, and all my little fingers. She kept pulling them, flinging them, and ultimately testing their flexibility in too many ways. She took out an electric nail file and instead of shaping my nails, she went to town right on top of my nail, making it rough so that the gel would stick better. Now they ache and its hard to type, write, eat, and function in general. Okay fine, they look amazing, but so entirely not worth it. Happy Birthday nails, my you rest in peace upon my phalanges.

The Anatomy Of A Triscuit

I'm here, snacking away on some cheese and crackers, or more specifically, Triscuits. I went through a phase a couple years ago where I wouldn't eat Triscuits because it was too stressful and the risk of getting cut on a Triscuit fiber was too high. Since then, I've discovered various techniques to eating this complex cracker.

1. Always bite horizontally with the Triscuit ridges. This prevents crumbling on to your lap, upon other snaking materials, or into milk.

2. Partial chewing is not acceptable. People, Triscuits are not Jell-O. You cannot just swallow at your leisure. You must fully chew the cracker. This takes anywhere from 40-50 chews.

3. Toppings are generally necessary for Triscuits, as they have a way of parching your mouth with a somewhat bland flavor, easily fixed by some mild cheddar.

4. When taking a bite, be absolutely sure that the salt granules are on the non-topping side (the bottom) so you're sure to get taste bud-salt contact. Their easily visible, and are only on one side, so if you can't find them, flip.

5. Always find a good beverage to accompany Triscuits. The cheese will dry up your mouth, especially if you follow step 4.

Accepted At Fine Retailers And Tennis Courts.

Set: Jackie walks down the stairs to the bright, fluorescent-lit hallway with a distressed look on her face, draped in her silver fox fur coat, hot pink leather Juicy Couture tote, and sunglasses.

"Okay before ANY of you say ANYTHING the reason that I'm wearing sunglasses is because I got hit in the face with a tennis ball yesterday."

Fur Coat: $700
Tote: $375
Sunglasses: $150
Blonde Beauty with a Black Eye: Priceless