Not Just An Alicia Keys Song

It's bad karma to gloat about finding $5 in the laundry to Pop.
Because later, you will loose it.

Preheating Muffin

I've found that the best way to motivate myself to clean my room is when some member of the family calls to say that an inspector is coming put an estimate on the house in two hours. And the best part about cleaning my room, besides finding enough bobby pins to firmly hold back all the wool on a sheep, is when I stumble upon memories from my childhood.

"The chefs of room 102 present: Our Favorite Recipes"
{1st Grade}


Strawberry Pie
By Jess S.

Ingredients:
22 Strawberries
8 cups of sugar
1 1/2 cups of milk
2 eggs
2 pounds of chocolate
Directions:
Next you smoosh up the strawberries. Then you pour in 3 1/2 cups of flower. Stir all of it in a bowl.
Bake:
Put it in hte oven at 25 degrees C. Then bake it for 22 minutes. Take it out and enjoy it after it cools.

Pickles
By Alex W.

Ingredients:
10 baby cucumbers
1 1/2 pounds of water
About 5 little white things
Directions:
First wash the cucumbers in fresh water. Put the cucumbers and 5 little white things in a jar full of fresh water and wait for about 1 month. Taste it. If it does not taste like a pickle put it back and wait for another month. Then it is for sure ready.

Cookie Dough
By: Muffin T.

Ingredients:
1 cup flour
1 stick butter
2 eggs
2 tsp. brown sugar
1 tsp. white sugar
1/2 cup baking soda
1 cup milk
Directions:
First pour the flour and butter into a mixing bowl. Add brown sugar and white sugar. Then add milk and stir until it is all mushy. Then add the eggs and the baking soda. Stir it until it is all mushy. Then eat it!

Extra Cheesy Macaroni
By Christine J.

Ingredients:
1000 1/2 cups of cheese
100 cups of butter
100 1/2 cups of sugar
Directions:
Take a macaroni pan and stir the ingredients all together.
Bake:
Put them in the oven at 100 degrees for 15 minutes. Take it out and eat it.

Chocolate Bars
By Dan H.

Ingredients:
1 cup chocolate
5 nuts
1 cup caramel
Directions:
Put the nuts in an empty butter holder. Then cover with caramel. Then put choclate all over it. Then put top on the container. Then put it in the freezer for 10 minutes. Then eat.

Cheese Pizza
By Jacqui S.

Ingredients:
1 pack of cheese
1 pack of butter
1 spoonful sauce
1 pound bread
Directions:
Put the butter and the bread on a pan. And then put the sauce on top of the bread. And then put the cheese on top.
Bake:
Bake it for 15 minutes at 20 degrees. Take it out of the oven. Then eat it.

Chocolate Chip Cookies
By Shannon M.

Ingredients:
2 eggs
2 1/2 pounds flour
2/3 teaspoons milk
Directions:
Mix eggs in a mixing bowl. Put flour in the mixing bowl. Put milk in the mixing bowl. Mix it up with a blender for 25 minutes.
Bake:
Cook for 20 minutes at 20 degrees. Put dough in the oven. Put dough on cookie sheet. Then eat it.

Hot Dogs
By Kristen H.

Ingredients:
1/2 cup salami
3 cups hot water.
Directions:
Roll the salami into a fat worm. Put the hot dog and water into a pan. Then put the pan on the stove. Turn on the stove for 10 minutes on medium. Then take it out. Then eat.

Chocolate Chip Cookies
By Peter B.

Ingredients:
2 scoops of flour
80 chocolate chips
3 eggs
1 bowl
1 spoon
a whole thing of sprinkles
Directions:
You put the chocolate chips in the bowl. Then you put in the sprinkles. And then you mix for 1 minutes. When the 1 minute is up, add the eggs and the flour. Then you mix it for 3 minutes with a spoon.
Bake:
You squish up the dough stuff and put it on the pan thingy. Bake it for 20 minutes at 19 degrees. Eat it.

Stubby

Dear Feet,

Its been real.

-Me.

The Measure Of A Man Is In His Spit

After a five hour Saturday night shift, the last thing one wants to do is clean up the chewing tobacco spit cups of the varsity baseball team. Or scrape their napkin spit balls which are pasted to the table and surrounding walls.

M-i-Crooked Letter-Crooked Letter-i-...

I canoed two miles down the Mighty Mississippi today.
Some anti-highlights (lowlights?):
-First burn of the season. Although I'm pretty sure I could sit near a lamp and get burnt if someone told my skin that it was being exposed to UV rays.
-More freckles. Always more freckles.
-The wilderness leader woman in the back trying to get our boat to sing in rounds.
-The general negativity of our boat.
-A left arm that hurts like crap.

A Parallel

Over lunch, Alex and I discussed the anticipation for reading Life of Pi (scheduled reading: Summer '06) and how certain Muffin family members think its "boring". Coming from two who have not read it yet still, somehow, maintain a bias, she said it perfectly.

"Life of Pi?! Its about a guy and a tiger! Its like Calvin and Hobbs! What could be boring about that?" -Alexandra Nicole

Save It For A Rainy Day

This is documentation of my first lawn-mowing experience. I went outside to help Dad, who although looks at his new mower with the power of 6.7 horses with pride and joy, is getting old and needs help. And she's self propelled so all I really have to do is guide her, watch my itty-bitties turn green, and soak up the smell of freshly cut grass that I could just bottle up and put in a Scented Oil Plug-In.

Episode 2

In his free time, Gary enjoys climbing the tree outside and trying to figure out what the yellow is.
"That tree is my Everest." -Gary

Commercial America

A string of commercials just witnessed:

Some seriously freaky puppies singing about fleas.

A woman celebrating her spraying salad dressing by throwing lettuce all over herself.

How this mothers day, Mom doesn't just deserve flowers, but a KFC also.
Can I ask you, Colonel, what milestone she's passed this year to deserve arteriosclerosis in a bucket and mega size mashed potatoes?

How braided string tampons make you want to go white water rafting.

Pleeeeaseee, St. Pete!

I have a feeling that when I pass through the lukewarm gates to Purgatory, the ultimate assessment of my resistance to temptation will be tested in the form of a bubble blister.

Episode 1

Gary Likes:
Getting the milk delivered.
"It's pretty much the highlight of my Mondays. John [the milkman] and I are pretty tight.."
-Gary

Consumer Report

Dear Ghirardelli Chocolate Company,

I am a consumer of your Triple Chocolate Premium Mix Brownies, and am quite satisfied with your product. They are both fudgey and "luxuriously rich". As a satisfied customer, I just wanted to put forth a question. What were you thinking when you instructed me to "blend water and oil"? If my mother and 9th grade physics teacher hadn't taught me right, I would still be in the kitchen trying to combine the two.

Respectfully,

Muffin

Success Story

I got my hair cut today. (All of them Daddy, not just one...)
And I am very proud to say that there were no tears shed.
My organs almost came up my esophogus, but not one tear rolled down my cheek.
My locks and trust were in Carol's hand, and I took to calling her Quiet Carol in my head, because she didn't say much except for at one point when I was wondering if she could hear my heart beating when she looked at me and said, "Are you like, freaking out or something?" "Yes."

The Adventures of Gary

For his 51st, my dad got the only thing he ever really wants for a gift-giving holiday: a six pound bag of gummy bears. We were about a pound in when I found out that upon licking them, they stick most places.
Some places gummies stick:
Steven's face
The bay window
The dog
The computer screen
Colleen's dashboard
Colleen's face

This is clearly an action-packed picture book in the making.
Updates and potential pictures to come.

Milking It

Me: [Answers phone] Hi Dad.
Dad: Hey...[chuckle]...'Sup?
Me: It's getting old, Pops, but I'm fine..How're you?
Dad: I'm good...Hey..Where you at?
Me: Wow.
Dad: [Chuckle]
>Click<

"My Teeth Hurt From Chattering The Entire Night. Thank You Jesus, For Sleep Aid." -8/21/05

Tomorrow as a pseudo-homelessness awareness activity, there's a sleep out in which we sleep outside on a church grassland with many layers, sleeping compartments, and pizza (just like they do on the streets). I would have high hopes for the night, had my last spent under the stars not been a fiery hell. And by fiery hell I mean it was freezing and the pope was there. We spent a night outside with literally (seriously, literally, not in the annoying non-literal-literal way) a million other people from all over the world and Pope Benny. That's the kind of thing that you hear about, and think "Wow! That's such a neat idea! I wish I had gotten that kind of opportunity!". And somewhere out there, there's a black-market, underground behind-the-scenes video of World Youth Day Candle Light Vigil '05. If I could directly link you all to my journal entry of August 21st, I would, but this is a family site. And also I have yet to learn how to link from different planes of communication.

Learning Opportunities: 4/26/06

Wendy's does not offer Frostys "extra cold"

Nor do they have insulated freezer bags to keep them frosty.

You should always think twice before going into Taco Bell after an ambulance pulls out. Then continue on in.

To The Cynic, Half Empty.

My dad sent me one of those stereotypical old person (bless your fifty-one-and-one-day year old soul, Daddy) emails about some woman dying and wanting to be buried with a fork in her hand because when she was at potlucks as a kid, her grandma always told her to keep her fork after the main dish because the best was yet to come and she knew that when she died the best was yet to come or some bull shit like that. In response to Sriracha's* comment; Fruit on the Bottom yogurt is my little reminder that the worst is yet to come.



*Notice the link? Courtesy of Sri, Linking Guru.

Culinary-Wise.

Is there anything more annoying than...

Fruit on the Bottom Yogurt?

The white part of oranges?

When you're the first to use the ketchup and you get the ketchup juice?

This Is My Demographic; "Likes Muffins, Low Plot Capacity When The Title Is About Muffins, Can't Spell, Guinea Pigs Die."

GOODBYE, MR. MUFFIN
By Claus Mandøe
Based on a children's book by Ulf Nilsson
Created and performed by Teater Refleksion of Denmark
Directed by Bjarne Sandborg
On the Cargill Stage
February 13 - March 11, 2007
Most enjoyed by ages 2-5

Mr. Muffin's not just a guinea pig. He's a good friend, loving husband, doting dad. But now he lives by himself in his little house. Though he gets visitors and mail. He loves getting mail. And he's an absolute nut for almonds. Such amusing adventures he's had. You'll see. Like the time he and his family dared go outside. Or when he set the world record for lifting a cucumber. Those were the days, Mr. Muffin reminisces. Mr. Muffin could be any child's pet Fluffy or Spot. This sweet, gentle, touching puppet tale honors the life and death of every dear pet. And helps a little one say "goodbye."

http://www.childrenstheatre.org/onstage_next.html


How can this be bad? The guinea pig's name is Mr. Muffin. It's most enjoyed by ages 2-5, and I just spell it 'i-n-j-o-y-e-d' and almost kept it. I won't let my fear of guinea pigs stand in my way. But seriously, they look nothing like pigs.